Getting lost in Sausalito

Two weeks ago, the day after chemo, I had an appointment for a facial in Sausalito. I got completely lost getting there, despite the fact that I have been going to see this woman for years. Somehow the narrow streets with lots of hills and valleys had me completely turned around. 

Since I was late, my facial lady called me to see if I was ok. I told her, “No, I am completely and totally lost!”

She asked me,“Have you put my address into Google maps?” 

I told her that I had, but then she said, “Jessica, you keep texting me your address, not Google maps. I think you are really turned around. Either I will come find you or you need to get yourself home.” She told me to call her when I got home to make sure that I was okay.

I knew I needed to go right –which meant going up the hill towards the highway. It took me a couple attempts but eventually I got to the highway, came home [in defeat] and immediately crawled into bed. The excursion to Sausalito was for another day.

As you can tell, the side effects from the chemo are getting worse and sometimes, I feel that they are getting unbearable. 

What you also have to understand is that since my last scan in early March, my cancer is stable.

I keep questioning whether I need to be taking my chemo every three weeks or whether I can decrease the dosage. My doctor Mark Moasser does not recommend doing either of these things.

He, along with most of the care team, do not think that this chemo brain is cumulative. In fact, when I asked about it, he recommended I take a certain drug for the haze in my brain. What I realized is that his drug has been recommended by another doctor and somehow I failed to take his advice! I think I thought there are just too many  drugs I take, another drug can not possibly help. However much to my great surprise, I heeded their advice and took the drug (and surprise, surprise my mind cleared!) I need to really listen to the wise advice of my talented team of doctors. Maybe I will not find myself lost in the neighboring town of Sausalito.

The other thing I am learning is that I need to slow down the first week after chemo, take care of myself and have lower expectations about what I can do. 

What I’m also realizing is that I need to listen to the advice from my doctors… and most of all, accept that this is what my life is.

I’m grateful to you for reading my blog, and being a part of my life!

Jessica