Ode to Steve
Steve belongs in the hidden box of super heroes who help people going through cancer treatment. And today I want to reveal his super powers of kindness, commitment and endless patience and love.
I first met Steve through Pam, a good friend of mine. He was dating her very seriously. She was beautiful, cool, had the greatest silver jewelry, and the most amazing hippy clothes. I was in awe of her. To be perfectly clear, I was more star struck with her than I was with Steve! LOL
A couple of years later, I was looking for a housemate in San Francisco. I already had DeDe but we needed a third, and low and behold, guess who it was? Steve! He was looking for a place to live. You know the small world San Francisco was, is and always will be. Steve moved into the house with us on 30th and Sanchez in the Mission district. We didn’t fall in love right away but there was certainly a fair amount of lust. Once I realized we were in love, I moved out! I knew then that he was kind, smart, funny but I wasn’t ready to live with my boyfriend.
We got married in 1999 at the Hellman House estate park in San Leandro. It was a beautiful sunny June day. The music (as you can imagine it was a BlueGrass band), the food, everything about the day was perfect. Nine months later Oliver was born, Benjamin two years later and then of course Claire came along. My first breast cancer diagnosis happened before Claire’s first birthday.
Fast forward to now. This past year (and I would say throughout our marriage) Steve has steadfastly focused his attention on me. He is a calm and steady guide to my cascade of emotions. I sometimes think he would kiss my tears away if I asked him. He goes to every doctor’s appointment with me and to every chemo infusion. He is a central part of the conversation when we need to make decisions about my care. There is never a time that I can not ask for and receive his loving and supportive guidance.
And for better or worse, he gives me a hall pass for all the things I do not want to do. Seriously, I have to deal with so many things related to my care, that I don't want to be forced to do any other extraneous things. My interest in cooking has diminished. I used to love to cook. In fact, I loved it so much that I went to culinary school. I was obsessed with menu planning, procurement and making of our dinners. Now that Oliver, Benjamin, and Claire are out of the house, I have less interest in cooking. This leaves Steve with more responsibility than he had before. He rarely says no. And yes, he does all the dishes.
Steve continues to have an active and engaged art career. So despite me battling cancer, he does take care of himself. I’m SO proud of him and of his enormous talent.
Steve, you are my rock, my confidant, and my source of hope. You help me navigate the challenging journey of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery with as much grace and comfort as I could ever possibly wish for.
When you fall in love with someone, you don’t know if they will pass the terminal illness test. But Steve, you definitely do. I love you.
