Manny’s Inspiration

This summer, I was attending a symphony concert in San Francisco where I was introduced to Manny Yekutiel. Manny is the founder of a civic engagement coffee shop aptly named Manny’s. They host political debates, cultural events and generally bring the community together. I have watched him from afar and have deep admiration for him and his contribution to the cultural and political life of San Francisco.
 
When I was introduced to him that June evening, I was a little star struck. He immediately shook my hand and told me his name was Manny.
 
I responded, “Oh I know exactly who you are. I love Manny’s.”
He then asked me, “What do you do?”
“Nothing,” I responded…flatly.
(That is how I often feel.)
 
UGH. Ugh. Ugh.

I felt like he quickly extracted himself from me. Who wants to talk to someone that does nothing? (Looking back, this is how I felt but he couldn’t have been more gracious.)
 
Obviously, I do not do nothing. I walk and meet with friends, work on my blog and am involved with a non-profit that I care deeply about. I am a trained nurse. I have always worked, even when my three kids were young. It is tough for me to not work. But as you know, I spend an inordinate amount of time being a cancer patient. It is just the fact of my life, that I need to go to scans, count pills and make sure I take them at the correct time, and go to doctor’s appoints,
 
I often feel shame that I do not work AND that I have cancer. I felt such shame that I could not tell Manny the truth about my life. I do not know why there is such shame in having a disease. I should have felt proud of saying to Manny:
 
“I have cancer and I fight hard for my life.
I am educated about my disease and the treatments.
I am organized about attending all of my appointments.
and, perhaps most importantly, 
I have developed an amazing amount of resilience.”
 
In fact, I feel an energy shift inside. I think I have finally accepted the fact that I have cancer. (It helps that I love my wig, too.)
 
In the spirit of work and making my life purposeful outside of cancer, however, I’m going to speak at an event for a nonprofit I am deeply involved with. Wish me luck!
 
And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for my family, my friends, my life and for each one of you. I feel your presence alongside me and that is making all the difference.
 
Love,
Jessica
 
PS…Remember…it’s not just about what you do, it’s about who you are...and who you are is enough. 🥰

Steve and I just got back from visiting Claire in Berlin! 💘