On seeking, work and ways to be present
I have always been a seeker of connection to others and the world at large. I have seen myself as connected to things both small and large. Daily I feel the need to connect within the part of myself that shines bright. Sometimes I feel if I lose connection to the divine, what would happen?
On March 6th 2021, I did my Bat Mitzvah. Yes, I was 55 years old, long after the years of doing a 13 years old ritual. I studied for two years on how to read Hebrew. In fact, my Bat Mitzvah was the last to be performed before Congregation Emanuel shut down because of the Pandemic. We had such little understanding of the virus then, that there was concern that the Torah I read from could possibly be infected with the virus, and may need to be isolated away till it was safe to read from again. Looking back on that day, I realize how naive I was to what was to happen to the world and myself.
Cancer has made me work even harder to nurture my inner light. And yet, I would be lying to you if I said I act as if I nurture my inner light every day. Just ask Steve!
But I want to talk with you about something I have come to love, which is focusing on the present and creating morning altars. Here is how it started.
About a year ago, I wandered into Green Apple Books, a local book store and made a discovery that would change my daily life. Sitting out on a table was a book called Morning Altars by Day Schildkret. I had a good feeling. I was looking for a spiritual practice and it immediately intrigued me. The book explores a practice of foraging for plant objects and then making them into an altar.
For months I wandered around and collected petals, stamens, flowers, moss and sticks. I would then assemble these pieces into mandala shaped creations. These are the same creations I am highlighting and sharing with you on my blog.
In the process of this work, I began to discover a small tiny world. Creating in the world of the small, and also living amongst big thoughts of concern about my cancer, my children, the world, I could focus on what was presently in my hands that I could create with.
I was surprised by how much I needed to create this ritual but the thing is, that my cancer diagnosis derailed my career. I worked as a nurse practitioner for years at the SF Free Clinic, and other beloved medical institutions that provide care to under resourced populations. I loved my job, the people who I worked with and the constant distraction away from myself, as I focused on others. I have maintained my nursing license for almost thirty years and I am currently neck (or knee?) deep in finishing my medical continuing education units in order to keep it still active.
Working on my morning altars has given me another tool, so I do not focus so much on me, but on something small, creative, and possibly divine. That is something that I can do everyday that keeps me sane and in the present moment. It is a practice, and like all practices, it takes work, but is worth the effort.
