The meaning of time and other musings

I struggle with the amount of time that I spend involved in my medical care. As you know, every three weeks I have a chemo week: doing chemo, recovering from chemo, getting scans and blood draws and picking myself up again after the week is over. It feels like a lot. In actuality, the number of hours spent doing this is less than the rest of my time, and luckily this summer I was able to go to one of my favorite places in the world in between my chemo weeks. Yes, I’m talking about Sugar Bowl.

I’ve been going to Sugar Bowl in the summer ever since I was a little girl. When my kids were little I desperately wanted a summer camp for them, so I could continue that tradition and go off and hike and swim with my friends. I spoke with the general manager of Sugar Bowl, and they were able to locate someone who ran camps. That is how the Sugar Bowl camp started. Seeing the little kids, this summer, made me nostalgic and wistful about the passage of time, and being in a new phase of life where my kids have launched to college and work.

And yet I loved being there even without my own kids this year because I love everything about Sugar Bowl in the summer! The quieter vibe, the beautiful weather, the wildflowers, the smell of pine, and most of all the hiking. I want to tell you about an amazing hike that I did in the Sierra’s. It was 8 miles in the blazing sun. Steve and I went with two very dear friends of ours, and the time together was music to my soul. We hiked to a lake called Lola Montez, ate a delicious salami sandwich for lunch and then jumped into the cool water. Our dog Pluto had never been swimming before, and he flailed about in the water, looking like he was about to drown. We were delighted in his ridiculousness! At the end of the day I felt both tired and exhilarated. Being physically active helps me feel present.

Time is an abstract concept. Claire came home for the summer and she will be leaving in a week to go back to school. How did time go so fast? The time she was home felt so short. It was almost 3 months, but it felt like one month. Did I not stay in the present enough? If I did not, did it make the time go faster? I have to constantly reorient myself so I embrace the present, and how I can live my life fully.

But aside from all my philosophizing about time, the most exciting thing this summer is that I got extensions in my hair!!!!!! I have long golden hair and it is so very VERY fun. I really am starting to feel like myself again.

I can’t wait to see you back in San Francisco or wherever we are able to meet up once again.

With love,

Jessica